My talk w/ my doctor

I spoke to my doctor the other day about a lot of things, but most importantly I had some heatlth questions that had some unique answers...I thought I would share them w/ you.....


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't wastethem on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heartwill not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend t! he lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay andcorn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than anefficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eatchicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance ofvegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, thatmeans they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of thegoodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. Ifyou have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You shouldonly be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another ve! getable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid insideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughlyused up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"