Friday, June 08, 2007

Lost & Insecure

If you become insecure or jealous is that a personal demon that is within a person or could it be caused by a external reason that, you can't control and how the hell do you get rid of it.

Insecurity can come in many different forms. From being insecure about physical appearance to feeling unconfident about emotional issues. Insecurities can destroy a relationship and the smallest situation can spark a series of unwanted mishaps. I guess that's the demon that people have been dealing with over the past couple of decades and it's hard for anyone to shake.

It may well be that insecurity is the root of it. But maybe we are afraid to look, afraid to face up to what lies behind it. We know of the "presenting problem" on the surface; but what is the root problem, what's at the bottom of it all? Maybe we don't know; maybe we do, but it's too frightening to look at it, or to talk about it with someone else. After all, we wouldn't want anyone else to know about where we hurt, do we?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Just wanted you to know

It's been along time, but don't think that i forgot about my blogger family...Just wanted everyone to know that I am doing okay. Well as well as can be....this Wed. I am having surgery on my achilles tendon to repair a rupture that occured a week and a half ago. this is my first time having surgery and i am a little worried b/c i am at risk due to my high blood i just ask that you all keep me in your all of my friends whom i have not spoken with this blog is for you....

One morning you will never wake up. Do all your friends know you love
them? I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I
wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed
rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends
know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back,you would be
amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in
case GOD calls me home before I see you again....... I LOVE YA!!! Send this
to at least 8 people you love and send it back to the person Who sent it to
you..Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised!

>" I Have NO Other Choice But To Trust Him!"

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Happy New Year


i will expand on that....just wnated to give you something to think about

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Happy Holiday

Christmas was very good to me. I hope that everyone got everything that they asked for. I myself never ask for a lot and the things i ask for i ask for consistantly so you don't have to guess what it is that i want.
If you know me, it's easy Polo, Polo, money, flat screen, polo, video game (that's always a maybe), money, graphic tee, polo, money...get the idea, i keep it consistant.
This year i got my timberlands (butters of course), polo cologne that comes with a complimentary polo bear upon purchase, Talladega Nights (which one the Academy Award for Greatest Movie Ever), portable DVD player, some Jordan and Lebron basketball shorts, Nas CD, and a couple dollars...and that was just from tiffany and her know i love them....LOL..
My mommy(my aunt)and uncle keeps it simple, i tell her all i need is wife beaters, v-neck undershirts, boxers, socks, money and a flat screen t.v. and i'm good. What does she buy, wife beaters, v-neck undershirts, boxers, socks, money and a flat screen t.v.; gotta love that.
My father and his wife don't ask me they buy me things that they think that i need, like a wallet (that had money in it), shirts for work, long johns and a watch.
As i said i can't complain for x-mas i was treated very well and i was happy with everything that i received.
I hope that people enjoyed the presents that i gave. Those gifts ranged from a camcorder, massage chair, personal session with a massage therapist, ipod stereo puppet, french cuffed dress shirts, seat warmers, cologne, night gowns, night robs, gift baskets etc....
During this time of giving it is one thing that I always remember. How fortunate I am to have a family and friends that care enough to spend the holidays with me. I received so many texts wishing me and my family happy holidays, and i think about the people who don't hear that or are not able to receive all the many things that i received for x-mas. So take the time to reflect on how blessed you and your family really are. It makes the holidays that much more enjoyable to realize how fortunate you are to be in the position you are in.
I gave away clotes to the salvation army. It didn't seem like a lot to me but to someone else it could be the difference between freezing outside and staying warm.
And if you can volunteer some time some where doing something with in your community or give something i encourage everyone to do so.
It may not seem like much but it means a lot to those you are helping.
Happy Holiday

Monday, December 11, 2006

Quick Read

I do have things to blog about but i don't have the time right now....Plus, i'm sure TTD has informed everyone about Vegas and how good of a time we had. I know i haven't blogged lately but i have had a heavy work load since returning. I did want to take the time to share something that maybe a inspiration to someone, b/c the person who sent it to me, did that for me with this fwd.....


Last week I threw out Worrying, it was getting old and in the way.

It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.

I threw out a book on MY PAST (didn't have time to read it anyway).

Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.

I threw out hate and bad memories, (remember how I treasured them so)?

Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.

Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, AND I MUST.

Threw out I MIGHT, I THINK and I OUGHT . WOW, you should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, haven't seen him in a while.

I believe his name is GOD, Yes I really like His style.

He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.

Like PRAYER, HOPE AND FAITH, Yes I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.

I FOUND IT- its called PEACE . Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice. Looks good around the place.

For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.

It's good to do a little house cleaning, get rid of the things on the shelf.

It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should try it yourself

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Birthday Weekend Wrap Up

I do apologize for not posting yesterday but i was swamped with emails and work from Friday when I was out of the office. For pictures as you know TTD is the picture queen so by now i'm sure you have seen the pics.
I had a wonderful friday,started with lunch from TTD at the capital Grille; For the love of good food if you come in town go there and order the porterhouse steak and mashed potatoes.
Lets move on to the night life. Got dressed up and i must say i know i was dressed so fly, yeah i said it and i be damed if i was wrong...LOL>..Thanks to all the bloggers that came out, shout out to Tif for leading his ear, but I do appreciate all of you coming out.
In a nut shell Friday was a great night from 9-12:30am after that, and the stripping episode, everything is a little foggy.I heard everyone was happy with the turn out of the crowd...Great parties for great people What do you expect it was by b-day and wasted wasn't a word to describe me, i don't think they invinted one...LOL...
Got up Saturday and went to the gym, which a lot of people couldn't believe b/c i had so much to drink, but when i drink jack i don't get hangover....but anyway went to dinner with TTD and my parents at Bone Fish...I recommend the Bang Bang Shrimp they come with chop sticks so it's a little shaky to eat...unless you use a fork that is and then it was chow time...LOL
Western night I was already sleepy b/c I hadn't slept much the previous night or all day Saturday, so watched most if not all of the night. TTD and her friend Nikki had a wonderful time dancing and drinking alot...LOL..(POY). It wasn't as fun as last year b/c the DJ didn't play alot of line dancing music as he usually does, which disappointed me. I enjoyed watching the line dance and looked fwd to doing it this year, but oh well there is always year after next....b/c next year my b-day falls on a Saturday...So mark your Calendars early...LOL
The rest of the weekend tried to chill and relax, not to much going on after that..this week will be hectic due to the holiday's but i will manage...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

God's Angel

Tomorrow is the day I celebrate the day of my birth....I know many of you know that already but just in case you didn't know that i am blessed. Now if for some reason you don't like story telling life dwelling blogs then stop reading, i'm going to let you in on my life....I gots to talk and tell my story the way i see it...

Born Tuesday 3:47am (rainy morning): 11/17/1978, Provident Hospital/Sinai Hospital
City/State: Baltimore, MD.
Father: James Dickey
Mother: unknown...LOL (Patricia Richardson)

My life started slow it wasn't this beautiful picture of a man that you see before you. Like painter in front of a blank canvas, after time turns that canvas into a master piece so is the story of my life..(cliff note version)
I was born in the ghetto/hood/inner city (what ever the term is now) and although i was too young to understand we were not well off. I knew enough that my mother lived with my god mother and her 6 children in west baltimore. I remember my early childhood vividly b/c there was always someone arguing or someone fighting or smoking drinking doing something around me. But i never remember suffering.
To look at us we were no different than anyone else in the neighborhood. Like Jay-Z said, "you know why the call it a project, b/c it's a project"; Some times you think about the things that are said in raps and think that people who live or do things a certain way to survive are different but they are just like you. I remember, going to my neighbors house to eat dinner b/c we didn't have food in our house and it wasn't like they didn't know but they never made me feel ashamed, they always invited me over and of course I always went. I remember meeting my brother derek for the first time when i was 5, he burnt my arm with an iron..(chocolate does melt against heat...LOL)
I remember when the house caught on fire and i was out carried like a football out of the house to safety, I remember watching my uncle have a seizure out side of my room and the paramedics uncovering needles in his bedroom. I remember my cousin finding his father, who had hung himself on 2 day after x-mas in the basement of the house.(early childhood)
I remember when my parents moved to California, for 2 yrs when i was about 6. My father and Patricia had gotten a job with TRW (huge IT company in the WestCoast); But I guess the money, respect and just not coming from that kind of enviornment does something to people. You start doing things you normally wouldn't do...cocaine, heroin, weed, alchohol. And what people say is true, in no time flat your life can spin out of control.. I remember Patricia and myfather asking me to carry trays to the den where their friends were. I didn't know at the time i was carrying line of coke to them, i had no idea, i was too young. But i wasn't to you to understand when my father went into rehab, and my aunt and uncle came out to help with the bills. I remember the feeling of relapse when my god father had to come out to buy groceries for us b/c neither of my parents had the money to put groceries in the house.
I remember my father being passing out with bills in his hands that had large red letters on them...Eviction, Foreclosure, Turn Off, 3rd notice, Repo......then i vivid remember my father walking out saying he was leaving, going back to Baltimore to get help b/c the life out here was to overwhelming....I remember Patricia saying it will be okay, it's just you and me....and in a instant i remember Patricia (mother) putting me on a plane saying, I'm right behind your going to stay with your aunt and uncle until i get myself straight....(i was 8 and i didn't see Patricia or talk to her until I was 21)
I can remember seeing my dad once in a blue moon when i first moved with my aunt and uncle, and even then I couldn't really see him b/c he either showed up drunk or high. I remember starting middle school and having matching socks and jeans that fit. I remember going to the dentist on a regular basis and acutally knowing my doctors name.
I remember seeing snow for the first time and playing in the snow, having snow fights and then having hot cocoa afterwards..I remember getting my first easter suit, easter clothes, easter basket and easter tennis..(2 out of the 4 i still receive till this day..don't hate my mother (aunt) she loves me.)
I remember my mother and uncle paying for me to go to private school and me, playing basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse and being really good at all of them. I remember my mother(aunt) having a no non-sense attitude when it came to my grades (example I got a 65 in a class and she made me quite JV for a semester made the honor roll from 2nd Semester freshman yr until i graduated in the top 5% of my class)
I remember graduating and my mother (aunt), uncle and my father being there and being excited about what the future held for me.
I remember the scholarship letters i received and going to Lincoln. I remember struggling in the beginning b/c I wanted to be popular and well like, but i also remember the promise I made to my mother(aunt) i would graduate and do well b/c all she and my uncle sacrificed for me. I remember finding out my god mother who raised me like her soon had passed and dedicating a basketball game in her honor, scored 20points 10 assist and 6 steals that game. I remember the first drink I had and been a lush ever since...
I remember before graduation speaking to Patricia and her telling me she was going to come to my graduation. I remember graduating and Patricia not being there, but i remember not caring b/c my mother(aunt) was there emotional as ever and proud of her son, who made..."Momma, i made it" Jay-Z....
6yrs after graduation, i'm not exactly where i want to be but i'm come far from the place that I started. I have many more years ahead of me, and a great supporting system to help me along the way. My God, my woman, my mother (aunt), uncle, father, brothers, god brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews and close friends (inner circle) and new friends surround i'll be alright..."As I look back over my life...and I see how the lord is guiding me, even though I've done wrong, you never left me alone you forgave me and you kept you blessing."
So today the day before I celebrate my day of birth I give thanks to all those that have played a role in shaping and molding me into the man I am today. When you look at me look at my past, b/c it tells the story of a man that has come a long way...

Happy birthday to me...