My final thought on successful relationships

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are

married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect

on it. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both

eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved

and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation,

immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make

you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself

that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her

flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more

obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and

evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little

thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations,

emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two

unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life

together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each

other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and

compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships,

past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar

to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone

stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life",

you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your

happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy,

neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,

healthy, loving and lasting relationship!

Seeking status, sex, wealth,

and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a

relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,

sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children

and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a

note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together,

not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without

feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't

always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances

of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's

family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put

pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for

poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as

resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the

passion. The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put

the i